A good testimony
Does it change anything to become all bad in me with Richard?
No, I’m obsessed with becoming bad! (Obsession, constant concern, which causes a strong worry: Having the fear of the disease.)
What’s the use of worrying about what Richard is thinking?
Looks like I’m doing this to protect myself.
According to my mind (my thoughts), I am in danger and I have to protect myself.
He is trying (my mind) to find strategies to protect me.
Do I check if I am in danger? No!
But my mind has ideas.
Mix it with feelings and it becomes a true story. And he believes that; hard as iron.
There he begins to be afraid. To scare me with that. He thinks it protects me.
The more he is afraid, the more I feel bad and the more the ideas continue. It becomes anxiety and my brain thinks I’m in serious danger and my muscles stiffen to protect me. And let the adrenaline rush to my head. I find myself with tension and a headache. And that worries me and I’m more and more afraid.
OK, for the last year or two, I really thought I was in danger. Was I in danger? My mind says yes. Was he attacked there? No! What danger was there? Richard could have been angry and gone!
My daughter also believes that there is a danger and tries to take strategies to protect herself. Looks like after Richard, there could have been nothing. The people in my home also experience anxiety. Is there any danger that Richard will send us? No! They took the house to stay here. It’s Richard’s safety that we stay here. Why am I afraid of Richard going away? I’m afraid he’ll get tired, but he’s very solid and that’s his reason for living.
Why so many questions?
Why is my mind always afraid? Because he has been afraid since he was a child. He has had ideas since he was a child. At that time, he heard things, he saw mom leave. He heard screams, baffles, he was trained with that. It frightened him, he perceived danger and mom left. He thought life was over there. He only saw danger. The danger subsided, but we never talked about it, explained it, reassured. We’ve always left it hanging, we’ve never come to an end.
The cousin left, it was good, the hired man left, it was good. Mom left, she came back, 10 or 20 times. My relationships ended, I felt so much better. I never fell apart, no matter what happened. It always ended well. It was always better like that.
Why my ideas continue to scare me is so necessary. I’m still scared, my ideas keep me in fear for nothing. There is no danger and if there is danger, it always ends well. And it’s always been better after than before. I’ve always done well. That, my mind does not register! Didn’t that matter to him? Why doesn’t he use it on this positive side?
Why does he always go on the negative side, why does he still live in this? Why does he still believe in this? What does it bring him to always feel bad? Does he feel important, does he need to feel important?
Do I feel important to always feel important while thinking of others? Has it become a reason to live?
Where is it a reason to live than to live in fear? When it’s not a fear, it’s another fear, it always needs a fear in action to live!
Never let go
As far back as I can remember, I have always fought fears. My mind has always been concerned with fears to fight. It has always been there or it was invented. But he was never going to check if they were real or not!
If something happened, it was as always for the best, but that, he never concluded this reality.
I never lost in the end and that was always a victory, but that never made a fuss about it. I think my mind likes to feel alive! Why? Is that his reason for living?
It would be so pleasant to live in joy, in peace of mind. It would be so relaxing to live in the positive, without worry. Yet it would be so pleasant to live in joy, in calm, in the feeling of security, in satisfaction, in the assurance that all is well, that everything is perfect.
I feel good here and now, no matter what. I’m fine here and now, no matter what may happen. I feel good here and now. Basically, there is no danger. Everything is calm. Everyone does their own thing. Everything is fine here and now and in everything that is to come because when it happens, I will feel good in the here and now.
Everything has always gone well in the here and now. There have always been solutions. Everything is still going well in the here and now. So there’s no point in worrying. Which means that all this time, I worried for nothing. Completely for nothing. I never questioned it and I always continued to worry and nothing ever happened.
I never stopped at that and I continued to worry and be afraid for nothing, for absolutely nothing when something happened, it was for the best. So, no matter how or why I worried, it was always good. It’s always been for the best. It’s always been better afterwards, which means that it’s my mind that always wanted to keep me worried, that made me believe that worrying, it protected me.
There I see, I understand that my fears never gave me anything, they only kept me in fear; no matter what happened, i always felt better afterwards. You see. So no matter why you keep me in fear, what happens after is always better.
I hear you (you my mind) trying to tell me something, you want to warn me, but you’ve done this all my life. But you didn’t protect me much. If something has happened, it has always been better after than before. Stop wanting to scare me, let me see the positive instead, that there is after; because the reality is that afterwards it’s always been positive.
Look there, I will reward myself. You see when the physiotherapist came to take down the tensions that you had made me, it was so much better.
You see, I just made you see something you seem to have never seen. I’m going to bring him back to do me an immense good, to release my tensions and feel so much better. I’m going to sleep again and bring me extraordinary well-being. I’m going to call her for an appointment for Friday afternoon to feel better for Saturday and Sunday. It’s going to be a great reward to have thought of me for a few weeks. All of October. Tomorrow Thursday, I will check how much I have accumulated.
This is really a good awareness. I’ve never done it before. It’s the first time I’ve really realized this. Thank you Lord Jesus, thank you my God. Thank you Holy Spirit, my Angels, my Archangels and all of you my Saints who accompany me in my endeavors.
There I give myself permission to spoil myself, I give myself permission to please myself, I give myself permission to do myself good. Yes my fears, I give you permission to be there, but I give myself permission not to listen to you. I give myself permission to go according to my conscience because I am aware that it was very good afterwards. Yes I let you be afraid, but let me do a little.